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Jumanji 2 Movie Review: It Is  Adventure For Morons!

Subhash K . Jha

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Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Jack Black, Kevin  Hart,  Karen Gillan

Directed  by Jake Kasdan

Rating: 0 stars

This has got to be the  most cretinous and  annoying film of 2017. That it is raking in the greenbacks  just goes to show that the taste of moviegoers  everywhere has degenerated  to a sacrilegious  low. Never have  cinematics  aesthetic hit rockbottom  with such a thud.

Jumanji 2  is  the Golmaal  of  American entertainment  with Dwayne Jonhson  sportingly indulging in  the team spirit with the less known  actors.Sadly Dwayne can’t act.

Not that the  film requires anything more than Mr  Johnson muscle power.  It is crass and pointless to the degree you question that financial resources  and the intellectual faculties of the  studio that backs such poop-in-cinema.

 I’ve a seldom seen  more intellectually backrupt offering thanJumanji 2.It’s got a bunch of complete  non-actors pretending to have fun as they enter the world of a video game with no idea of what lies in  store.

I suspect the  script writers too are clueless as to where they should go with this muck-spilling  adventure saga where  everything that glitters is old. Weathern-worn clichés  about  youngsters acquiring a sudden transformation of body and even gender swarm the film like flies hovering over a basket of sweets.

 One of the films’s dimwitted squad  of heroes transform from a phone-obsessed female teenager  into a middleaged  man. This gives the  narrative an occasion to indulge in a train of penis jokes which are as tiresome for us to see as  they must have been  for the film’s principal actors  to  perform.

Everyone acts  as though his or her life depended on it.The special effects guys have an orgy at the producers’ expense. The stunts are absurdly over-the-top. In one chase sequence the  protagonists flee on a helicopter while they  are  hunted down by a bunch of rhinos. We could easily make out that  plane  was  ‘flying’ on the studio floor. The action is so tackily done  it makes  our Baahubali look like a  David Lean  film.

 The film is shot in an Amazonian greenspace where the actors get to speak the most preposterous lines  with  a conviction that comes naturally when you know you are not being judged . This film is purely for a  juvenile viewership. I strongly recommend a ban on such cheap imported films that serve no purpose  except to make the audience feel intellectually superior to the material being served up.

Save  yourself the torture. Just avoid.

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Manmarziyaan Movie Review: It Is Kashyap’s Moun Ragam!

Subhash K . Jha

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Manmarziyaan Movie Review
Manmarziyaan Movie Review: It Is Kashyap’s Moun Ragam!

Manmarziyan

Starring Abhishek Bachchan, Tapsee Pannu, Vicky Kushal

Directed by Anurag Kashyap

Rating: **** ½(4 and a  half stars)

Imagine if Mani Ratnam had sex in his mind for Moun Ragam. Yes, the same story that Sanjay Leela Bhansali made into Hum… Dil Chuke Sanam about a marriage of inconvenience where the kind patient husband desists from consummating the marriage until the wife comes out of her earlier relationship.

Imagine if the wife can’t come out of her stuporous obsession with her first love because, hell, the sex with Vicky (Kaushal) is toooooo good.

The girlfriend-wife is played by Tapsee Pannu who seems to get more confident with every film. Her Rumi is no walkover for sure. Nor is it someone you would want as your wife, or your son’s wife or even as son’s friend’s wife. She is an unabashed epicurean and the fact that Tapsee can play this super-annoying selfish woman without making us cringe is in equal measures a triumph of writing (Kannika Dhillon) and performing.

Take the sequence where Tapsee’s Rumi rides a mobike to her future husband’s home and tells him, sorry, she can’t marry him. But hey, she can talk to him on Facebook. And she rides off.

Outrageously self-absorbed Tapsee plays Kangana’s smalltown harridan from Tanu Weds Manu multiplied by 10. She is vixenish yet spontaneous, arrogant in her selfishness and yet not unlikeable. Tapsee brings out all the contradictions in her character. She spares us none of Rumi’s churlishness. By the time she heads to Kashmir for her honeymoon with her husband on the rebound, I was hoping someone would slap this unapologetic self-server hard.

Fate does that. The trouble with a pleasure-seeker like Rumi is, she is given a lot of leeway by the people around her. Her Punjabi joint family consternation at her sickeningly self-gratifying behaviour with Vicky comes through in spurts of hurt and indignation.

Not that Rumi cares. She is arguably the most annoyingly self-absorbed romantic heroine seen on screen. Vicky Kaushal as her cheesy DJ lover has worked hard on looking his part. The hair and the clothes and the body language exude a sense of self-limiting rebellion. It is never very clear whether the passion between Vicky and Rumi is all about sex, or something more.

While Tapsee and Vicky give bust to their robust parts, it is Abhishek Bachchan, whose quiet character creates a space in the heart of the plot and lodges itself in the library of the luminous by respecting the character’s need to remain noble without seeming over-sweetened or simply stupid.

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Manmarziyan takes the traditional love triangle to a new level of expression, articulating an idiom that cannot entirely avoid tedium. After Rumi marries Robbie the narrative runs out of steam. There are repetitive scenes in the second-half which could do with some serious pruning. In spite of its flawed flow due to its extended length, Manmarziyan is a winsome romantic tale which dares to ask a very basic question from diehard romantics: love is all very well, but what else?

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Paltan Movie Review: Unmade In China!

Subhash K . Jha

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Paltan Movie Review
Paltan Movie Review: Unmade In China!

Paltan

Starring Arjun Rampal, Harshvardhan Rane, Gurmeet Chowdhary

Directed by J P Dutta

Rating: ** (2 Stars)

For what seems like an intermittent period of acute stock-taking Paltan looks like J P Dutta’s LOC Kargil minus the stars. In LOC we had the likes of Sanjay Dutt, Saif Ali Khan, Abhishek Bachchan and Nagarjuna playing soldier. In Paltan it’s the likes of Arjun Rampal, Gurmeet Chowdhary and Luv Sinha playing soldier-soldier.

The recession is upon us.

The film is very beautifully shot in a toasted-brown splendor and the background score (by Sanjoy Chowdhary) is effective even when it has to support some of the cheesiest dialogues on valor written outside Doordarshan’s Shaktimaan. But the songs by Anu Malik are insipid re-hashes of what Malik made in Dutta’s Border. Where are the great J P Dutta melodies from his war movies?

And where are those heartstopping moments of patriotic heroism that made Border so unforgettable? In sequence after sequence, we see Indian soldiers indulging in juvenile fistfights across the fence (more barbed than the verbal abuse) as though they were fighting for a spot in the school playground rather than land for the country.

The Chinese soldiers are portrayed as buffoons and caricatures. But then that is only to be expected in a film that mistakes border-bashing as patriotism. To his credit, J P Dutta manages to make the frames look energized when the soldiers run across the borderline with rifles. However repetitive shots of the border dispute and territorial skirmish make this war film a tedious watch.

Among the performers, Harshvardhan Rane acts with passion his part of a hotheaded Sadar soldier determined to avenge India’s humiliating defeat with China in 1962. But to have Rane and Gurmeet Chowdhary take off their shirts merely because they have the physique is akin to triggering off a war just because the troops are ready. Esha Gupta appears in two shots wearing a white saree.

Hard to recognize her fully clothed.

Fine actors like Arjun Rampal and Jackie Shroff struggle to keep the proceedings dignified in the midst of a maelstrom of hefty hamming. The actors playing the waiting and wailing family members of the soldiers pull out all stops.

In an early sequence, a postman delivers sobering news of martyrdom in the house after house in one housing colony. The sounds of wailing are so clocked to seem like recorded messages. The emotions are thus rendered clinical.

The flashbacks are platitudinous to the point of being absurd. In one such romantic flashback Gurmeet Chowdhary’s screen beloved nibbles on a large container of gur (jaggery) as he suggests they move into the nearby khet for some serious hanky-panky.

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I almost expected the above scene with the gur to merge into a pun-filled dig at the ‘Chini’ (Chinese, also sugar). But it seems no one thought of getting clever at the characters’ cost. It is not their fault if they are in a film that is relevant but ultimately of no consequence to us. We expected J P Dutta to tell us why war is not a viable option for India at any given time.

Instead, all we get is repeated shots of the soldier-heroes exercising their soldierly right to be a bully with the neighbors.

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Laila Majnu Movie Review: It Is Redeemed By A Brilliant Second-Half

Subhash K . Jha

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Laila Majnu Movie Review
Laila Majnu Movie Review: It Is Redeemed By A Brilliant Second-Half

Laila Majnu

Starring Avinash Tiwary, Tripti Dimri

Directed by Sajid Ali

Rating: *** (3 stars)

It takes this revisionist version of Laila Majnu time to come its own. For a very long spell of storytelling director Sajid Ali lets the story spin out of control, spiraling and wobbling this way and that as we watch a spiffy but vacuous Laila indulging in what would qualify as serious eve-teasing if she were a man.

“Woh toh aise hi ladko ko ghumati rehti hai,” says a guy about our modern day Laila. Not a very charming reputation to have. But ask her if she cares. Laila is curious about… err physical intimacy. When one of her friends is reputed to have lip-locked with her lover, Laila stares at her friend’s smooched lips in the classroom, as though the blackboard had just found a sexy replacement.

Then Laila meets her match. Qais (impressive newcomer Avinash Tiwari) is cocky and confident as if he knows the pages of the legendary romance inside-out. Yeah, he knows his love is destined to be doomed. But that won’t stop him from enjoying his courtship in Kashmir with the ‘adam’-teasing Laila.

They meet, they exchange glances and repartees. They dare one another to cross limits. But seldom do. They sing soporific songs in scenic Kashmir and promise each other they would climb the neighborhood mountain to see what’s on the other side. Sadly the view on the other side remains obfuscated. We never see beyond Laila’s vanity and Qais’ self-absorbed pain.

Watch Laila Majnu Trailer:

Yup, never a Dal moment missed out in this one.

The courtship is corny to the point of being unbearable. Then something happens. Laila is forcibly married to a weird discernibly psychotic androgynous man Ibban (Suman Kaul). Her world falls apart. And Qais has a mental collapse, so devastating that he spends all his time in imaginary conversations with Laila.

This episode, potentially hilarious, is handled with tremendous poignancy. The tragic aftermath of a wrong and wronged marriage shot in the incriminating afterglow of a post-afternoon sunlight (by cinematographer Sayak Bhattacharya) is delved into sensitively. Newcomer Avinash Tiwary gives his all to Qais’s transformation into Majnu (the crazy lover). At times he’s so chillingly distraught in his grief that we almost feel his world falling apart piece by piece.

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This revisionist version of Laila Majnu would finally be remembered for Tiwary’s immersive performance. The rest of the cast including the leading lady Tripti Dimri is far from adequate. Set in Kashmir the lead pair and their kin are shown indulging in a kind of rowdyism that would immediately put them in trouble with the law.

Not a single cop shows up anywhere. This is the magic of love. Alas, the romance fails. Only the pain and hurt of bereavement comes across effectively.

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