Tom Cruise Can Be Seen By Kids, But Can’t Show  Middle Finger, Can’t Use Bad Language

The  new eagerly awaited Tom Cruise starrer Jack Reacher : Never Go Back has been  given the full Operation Cleanup treatment by the censor board.

All cusswords have been removed to make this action film palatable to a universal audience. These exclusions include the colloquial  ‘prick,’ ‘dickhead’ ‘dick’ and ‘fuck’ all of which have been cleaned out of the soundtrack.

And no, Tom Cruise can’t call a woman  by the ‘b’ word either.Life as we all know, is a bitch specially if you are the world’s biggest star. A shot of Cruise showing the middlefinger has also been removed.

Sources say Tom Cruise has been given  the sanskari treatment by the censorboard for being a global phenomenon.

“Tom Cruise is an international icon, by far the biggest star in the world.And one of the most revered  actors . He can’t talk like Trump. The censor board wanted kids to watch Cruise’s  new film. They therefore cleaned out all the cusswords,” says an informed source.

Curiously the censor board also cut a line where Cruise says, “His ass his mine.”

“They  probably they thought it was a gay proposal.They probably did know it is a common threat for  putting an adversary in his place. But the film’s producer Viacom 18 are not complaining. They are happy to release Jack Reacher with the required audio deletions as they don’t affect the film at all.”