Diwali Gifts We’d Like To Give Our Stars

Ranbir Kapoor: A cricket team. We always though he was a football player. But his recent statement on how he hit a mauke pe chakka with Mrs Aishwarya Rai Bachchan in Ae DilHia Mushkil convinced me he is actually a cricket man. If Neeraj Pandey would make  a sequel for Dhoni  he would seriously consider Ranbir instead of Sushant. And yes a collected album of Mohd Rafi’s songs, since Ranbir thinks Rafi wept rather than sang. Can’t stop weeping after hearing that one.

Anushka Sharma: The Preity Zinta award for  bubbly effervescent act in film  after film. Really ,show much of this uncontainable joy does she actually secrete within herself? Kabhi toh bubbly ban-na band karo,yaar!

Parineeti Chopra: A  brand new boyfriend  for our pyari Bindu. She says she has no time for love. We  certainly hope that this Diwali, love finds time for her.

Farhan Akhtar: A Diwali stag party for Farhan, since too many girlfriends give the concept of the Diwali patakha  an entirely new dimension in his life. Farhan jokes that from the 5 women he has been linked with,6 are untrue rumours. We believe  you.

Priyanka Chopra:  A desi accent for our desi girl. Every time she goes on an American talk show we hear Priyanka with a new yankee accent. Somewhere she seems to have lost her original accent.We suggest an impromptu  visit to her home-town Bareilly this Diwali .

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan: A evening of bingeing on Diwali goodies. No one has the right t look so skinny.

Karan Johar: After the stress he has gone through a lately, a fortnight at a health clinic in the Alps. Botox charges  on the house.

Kareena Kapoor Khan:  Babycare books.

Saif Ali Khan: Career-care books.

Deepika Padukone: Boyfriend-care books.