Ridiculous Ideas For The New Year

Our  entertainment  industry excels  in coming up with  outrageous  ideas. Of course  while implementing them  the  brains behind the  balderdash  think they  are  being super-ingenuous. Only when  the idea falls flat do they realize how dumb they were  being. A quick tongue-in-cheek  dekko at some Bollywood brainwaves that should  never happen.

1.     Releasing Ram Prasad Ki Tehrvi in movie thatres:  Bade bade aaye  aur gaye, abb inkibaari. Blockbusters  like Tenet, Wonder Woman   failed to lure audiences into theatres, Now on January  1 we have –tan tara!–Ram Prasad Ki Tehrvi. The  makers INSIST—no no, no  argument—that this  great masterpiece  directed  by actress  Seema Pahwa  and  featuring  superstars  like  Vinay Pathak, Supriya Pathak  and  every Pathak and  Sharma  in  the  festival circuit , must release in  theatres. I called  up  one of  the multiplexes  to find out how  it  was  doing. They said, “Sir, Ram Prasad  kei tehrvi aaj pehle  hi din ho gayee”. RIP. The  point is,  why would audiences  who would have  rejected this  film under normal circumstances  brave  the  Covid for it? Death wish? Then try Ram GopalVarma’s 12 O Clock also released in theatres on New Years  because as  the irrepressible Ramu says, “Give the audience a good old-fashioned scare fare  and they will come.” Right Ramu. Don’t forget to invite me  for  the silver jubilee.

2.     The Revival Of  The Naagin  legend: While the rest  of the world has moved  to the 21^stcentury a section of  the Indian cinema  remains stuck in the stone  age.  Or shall I say  the stoned age? Any  producer  who  plans a Naagin film , and that too with Shradha Kapoorplaying the snake, has got to be doped  out of his  brain.I do hope this lunatic idea  is put to rest before  more damage is done.

3.     The  Re-invention  Of  Bobby Deol As  a  Villain: After  Prakash Jha’s webseriesAshram where Bobby  played a sleazy horny godman,  he is playing the villain to RanbirKapoor in  Sandeev Vanga’s  Animal. Bad idea, I  say. Bobby  doesn’t suit the  antagonist’s role.  Another  star-kid Nitin Mukesh  whose career wasn’t going anywhere made  the same  mistake.

4.     Sarah Ali Khan as a rustic Bihari:  Tell me  this  is a joke.  Is Sarah really playing a Bihari woman in Aanand L Rai’s  Atrangi  Re?  What next! Katrina Kaif as Bilkis Dadi?  To her  credit  Sarah Ali Khan has worked  on  a complete  image makeover  She  attended acting workshops  to get into the skin of her  Bihari character. She was also  tutored in  the nuances  of  Bhojpuri  by a  voice coach.It seems  early in her career Sarah has  decided to be  more  adventurous than her  father Saif Ali Khan  ever  thought  of being in his  early days.Best of luck with that.

5.     Heera  Mandi On  OTT!!!  It’s like  a storm in a teacup. Or imagine  Sholay being  premiered  on  mobile  phones. Or Pakeezah on your laptop. Some ideas are  meant for the big screen. I have personally been with Sanjay Leela  Bhansali’s Heera Mandi  idea for  20 years now.And I can’t see  it  on OTT.  It’s like the  deathknell  of  the  movie-theatre  business. RIP