Khaali Peeli: Watch Arnab’s Show Instead!

Khaali Peeli(Zeeplex)

Starring Ishan  Khatter, Ananya Pandey

Directed  by  Maqbool Khan

Rating: * ½

 Khaali Peeli  is a cringe-fest,  an orgy of  unskilled writing and  clumsy direction where even an actor like  Jaideep Ahlawat,  playing the kind of pimp and child abuser no selfrespecting actor  would want to get into, is at a loss for words and where child abuse  and paedophilia are considered fodder for  potboiler-drama, the kind that  Guddu Dhanoa  and Harmesh Malhotra used  to   specialize  in back in the 1980s.

With due respects, Dhanoa and  Malhotra came  up with more enjoyable potboilers in their  worst  moments.  Khaali Peeli is  our worst  nightmare version  of  a 1980s’ potboiler with two child actors  rolling their eyes and making faces  until they grow up.

And what do you  know! They are still  rolling their eyes and making faces. Ishan Khatter and Ananya Pandey  share as much chemistry as two volunteers at  an earthquake sight from Syria and  Spain. Their Bambaiyya sounds as authentic as Zeenat Aman’s Awadhi in Satyam Shivum Sunderam.

In defence  of  Ananya Pandey’s  extremely  annoying performance, all we can say is  , given the  writing and  the eeew-man  resources even Meryl Streep couldn’t have done  better, though I’m sure Meryl’s Bambaiyya accent would have been more authentic .

An authentic  accent is the  least  of  the problems in  Khaali Peeli. Absurdities  abound from the start when Ishaan Khatter  emerges  from  central jail in a brand new baniyan(vest)  with  the background  music hammering  our heads with  the beats  of  a  streetside bravado.

Very soon Blackie(yes that’s our hero’s name) is seen racing away  with Pooja in a  black-and-yellow taxis  which has seen better days.

So has the  Commercial Potboiler. Caught between  a wink and sneer  the  mood of the  narrative is as  vague and  distant as  the  plot’s  allegiance  to films like Nasir Hussain’s Caravan  about a runaway heroine  and her saviour. Nothing really works in this  film.Not the  formula and certainly not the  wink at the formula.

 Then we  have  Swanand  Kirkire staring  at a 9-year  old girl with lustful intentions. Paedophilia in a potboiler must be someone’s idea of  entertainment. It takes all sorts.Don’t waste time watching this vada pao gone  stale. Watch Arnab Gowami’s show if you  dig  crime and  theatrics.